I Just Can’t Win Part 4

Parts 1-3 are HERE.

Well, not to disappoint but Wednesday was actually an okay day. I worked hard on getting my portfolio together and making sure that I could get all the information I needed in order. I thought I was ready. I didn’t rehearse because I knew what I was talking about. You would think I would do okay. No.

Thursday morning comes and I am okay but I end up freaking out as I get closer to the time. I am going up the stairs and run into M-Prof. I greet him and tell him that I am a wreck. He tells me “What have I taught you?”, and one day I will share that with you all because you will find that one thing that someone tells you that makes everything slightly better.

I go in and feel that giant knot, no, that maze of knots in your stomach to where it is hard for you to breathe.

The presentation consisted of who we were and what we were majoring in and what we wanted to do. Students will go up and present in front of all the faculty of the department. I go to present after the first person and I think I am doing okay but what I didn’t realize is that I didn’t do well at all. I used the word “just” so many times and the way I spoke didn’t help my presentation at all as well as the fact that I was going WAY too fast. I can’t help the way that I talk, not right now, it is a process. You know when you ask a question and you raise your voice just slightly in that infliction that causes it to sound like a question? Apparently that is what I said all throughout the presentation. I also said “um” A LOT. I got a comment from everyone on a different thing and it felt awful.

Since I went second, you can imagine I am still distraught. I tear up am ready to just break down during and after all the other presentations. I am unsure if anyone really noticed but it was harmful towards me to just sit there. I know I am not the only one who was being told what they needed to work on. The idea of the presentation being, in my opinion, so much more WORSE than my previous one had me so worried.

Once all the presentations were done we were all told to leave so they could discuss who they were going to assign what to.

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