I hate social interaction.
I hate talking to people I don’t know. I hate speaking in front of others. However, when I am sitting alone or even the idea of being alone to eat in a crowded room gives me immense anxiety. I don’t know where this anxiety stems from but it makes me so inept at even attempting to eat food.
I like to be alone. A lot. I really enjoy being in isolation but as soon as you put me in anything social, I clam up. I cannot help but feel like I am just a nuisance or even just an outsider to a world of a community that I don’t belong to. I know, it is weird. I am weird. We can talk about a scenario that happened to me two days ago. I was sitting in a eating area and it was on an upper level away from others and I was hungry but I decided that it wasn’t worth it without having some interaction, something to make me “look” busy. So I thought of the people that I wouldn’t mind interacting with and one of my friends from my freshman-sophomore years came to mind since I hadn’t seen her to just talk in about a year.
Maybe I am just afraid of being alone in a social setting and that may very well be true since I have never been good in them.