Low cellphone ringing.
I am groggy.
Why is the cellphone ringing so quietly? I realize the ringer must be low but a sinking feeling washes over me, just ever so slightly. I answer the phone.
“[Insert my Chinese name], Grandpa died.” My mother says. My mind doesn’t comprehend what she is saying, did she say, “Good morning”?
“Grandpa is dead.”
“It’s Grandpa, he is dead.”
“What?” I don’t understand… “Where is dad?”
“Not dad, your grandpa is dead.” My mother sniffles.
“I know. Where is dad?”
“I don’t know. I just wanted to call you and let you know that he is dead. Okay? I just wanted to let you know.” Why am I not crying?
I lie on my stomach for a couple of minutes and take out my iPad. I start to play My Little Pony and in my mind I am wondering, Why are you not crying? then my body aches and tells me it needs to use the bathroom. I get out of my bed and walk to the communal bathroom. I wash my hands and begin to brush my teeth, a tear falls. Another. Another. Another. I walk back to my room and the tears continue to flow down my face.
My grandfather passed away this morning. Above is the true account of what I did this morning and how I processed this information. My mind was foggy and I guess finally using the bathroom woke me up enough to realize my mother’s words.