My Headspace

Toronto Wings

My headspace these two months have been a whirlwind of “I don’t know” when it comes to The Mermaid Network. I feel as though there has been so much time since posting every single time. I have also realized that I love to just live in the moment. I know that it may not seem that way based on my Instagram, but those are just snapshots. The Mermaid Network is something I hold dear to me but it has been on the back burner and I thought that would change once I had more time. In some ways it is because I am extremely busy with work, other days it is because I am uninspired. You see that girl up above? She is happy, in the photo, but she tried at least 5-10 times to get that perfect shot. “Perfect shot.” When did that become my reality? This is not to say that I don’t love this photo or my time spent in Toronto in the PATH, but I remember telling my sister so many ways to take the photo and getting frustrated that it wasn’t perfect.

This is a small piece of insight when it comes to what is in my head. I am hoping to come back better and stronger and hope that I can share more with you guys soon.

Thanks for your patience.




Let’s Review: The Giver


Before I get started, this whole month in the Fleeting Mermaid Section will be movie/show reviews so I hope that you are excited!

Okay, The Giver is something that I was expecting to be like The Hunger Games or Divergent but it wasn’t. I was surprised and slightly disappointed with what happened and this is just based off of the movie since I have never read the book. The movie starts out in black and white, which is actually a really cool aspect, and slowly Jonas, the main character, realizes things are different and that something is missing. Jonas becomes The Giver’s apprentice, portrayed by Jeff Bridges, and is shown the positive and negative of the real world before dystopia. Jonas is sickened by the idea of war and killing and realizes that it has been happening all around him and no one realizes that they are killing because they cannot feel that emotion of guilt, pain, sadness, nothing. I think that action was missing from this movie too. There wasn’t an urge to runaway and find the truth. I felt that I didn’t need to change things, I wanted things to stay the same. I wanted to live in that world of black and white and I know that is the opposite of what the movie aimed at.

I think that there wasn’t a lot of development in characters, other than Jonas because they were all pretty one dimensional because of how they had to be distant from emotions. The movie seemed pretty transparent because you knew all the motives of each character, there wasn’t any kind of hidden agenda and when Jonas reaches the end, I am confused.

What did you think about The Giver?

-The Mermaid Network

I See the Beauty

Recently I was in my Liberal Studies class and my professor was talking about one of the most beautiful and heartbreaking kind of story. This story is actually true because it involves the Taj Mahal. Now, if you are well-versed in this story and I am make a detail out wrong, you are welcome to correct, but this is what I learned:

The ruler at the time created a memorial of sorts for his beloved. The Taj Mahal was created as a crypt of sorts to hold her remains and for him a Black version of the Taj Mahal. There have been myths about such a structure but what it really was is the reflection across the river. A video on the history channel shows that the Black version of the Taj Mahal was really the reflection of his beloved’s memorial structure. Here is a video of footage that I watched in my class:

For me, I think that this is one of the most sad and romantic things that a person can do for a loved one. An artistic way of being with someone that you love and yet no physical structure represents that but a reflection of such a beautiful place. I don’t really know why this has had such an impact on me but it makes me realize that in this day and age we may see what is in front of us but don’t see what is really there and almost in plain sight.

Snippets of Thoughts

So if you saw yesterday’s post, this is why I think the way that I think….

I was always the girl left out.

I was the girl who never got a chance because I wasn’t pretty enough.

I have never had friends who knew more about me than anyone else.

I won’t open myself up and tell everyone that I had a dark period of my life and it is resurfacing.

I have been told I am part of a clique.

I have over-thought everything I have said in life.

I don’t consider myself a good person.

I think that I am awful for avoiding people.

I think that it is odd that I am still unable to feel loved when so many people have been in my life.

I am finding it hard to have something that brings me happiness.

I am in a depressing hole that keeps dragging me under.

Falling Back

Unfortunately my first post will be one of a feeling I am not fond of in the least and that would be disdain. I have honestly tried so hard not to fall back into feeling so. However, I feel as though I must be honest. The person I am referring to is a great actor and yet they choose to come into my focus area. I understand expanding upon talents but this person, to me, makes me feel disdain towards them. I truly like this person but she has no clue how it is that I am so utterly annoyed that they are coming into “my” territory.

I know you are probably thinking that it is childish and that may be so but if you want honesty, there it is.

Working with this person on multiple occasions through class and in general, I don’t think that they have the mind set to be able to comprehend all the aspects of my area. I do my best not to judge and I am not typing the above as a permanent judgement. I am typing the above because it is what I ave observed. Feeling that disdain because of what I have observed makes me feel like I am falling backwards.

I hate feeling as though I am am awful person and you could say that I am only being human or it is just jealousy. However, I feel as though jealousy holds a sense of insecurity and that is not something I want to keep feeling. I am competent at what I do and I am not the most famous artist but that doesn’t mean anything. I want to feel secure in what I am doing and I an deeply saddened that I would see a person who has been kind to me as someone who causes me disdain.

I am not claiming to be a perfect person who only writes about the good things in life. I want to be a person who openly expresses the good and bad because I feel that will aid me to grow as a person.

Sin of the Day: envy